Team Illuminati Inaugural Sad Panda Endurance Challenge and Ice Cream Social... or, I'll just drink my BCAAs...

This past weekend I had the privilege of attending my race teams first ever team event! Every time I think back to it, I am just blown away at how utterly seamless and amazing it all was. I KNOW there were MANY people that worked their asses off in planning, prepping, building, advertising and just simply doing to make this happen. From the beginning, the advertising was spot on. Not too much to annoy you, but enough to be known. A promised swag bag that was actually provided. Chip timed results and placing finishers prizes that were also provided. A great venue, great course and great atmosphere... you guessed it, all provided! I was not involved in any prep or planning so I have no idea what all happened behind the scenes, all I know is my teammates but on one hell of an event and I am so proud of them.

I still remember when it was announced that we were going to be hosting our own event! So super exciting and scary all at once. I mean, how does one make their own successful event really? ...what if it is a flop? ...what if we fail? Needless to say a bunch of friends got together and started planning. Before I knew it there was a registration link! Well, holy crap! It really is happening!!! As the days got closer, the excitement started building!  Finally, it was the week of! Before I knew it, it was time to head out to Harmonie, Indiana for my team's inaugural endurance event! I woke up, went to work, went to the gym, came home, Steph showed up, we loaded up the Jeep and headed out. We finally arrived at the cabins around 3am-ish and got settled in. Since my OCD always gets the best of me, I had to unload and unpack right then! Finally crashed out about 4am and was up at 7ish. Michelle and Matt and I sat around talking for a bit and then Michelle Rayman stopped by to throw some food in the fridge. This was all very strange to me as since I knew I wasn't participating, I had no pre-race adrenaline and was just totally chill. Packet pickup was at 9am so we headed over to the site and were greeted by Travis the Panda and a gorgeous venue! Team tents, music, an official start / finish line, chipped timing, gear tent, med tent... to say I was amazed would be putting it mildly. There were run and ruck divisions with prizes for 1st - 3rd male and female runners, and 1st place for male and female ruckers. The challenge started at approximately 10am and it was a 5 mile loop- winners were figured by how many laps they completed and what the time was that they completed them in. The event ended at 4pm. During that time I hung out with some of the coolest kids in the world! We hung out at the venue, went to the park, went back to the cabins, back to the venue. Cheered on runners and ruckers and just basically enjoyed the day. After the event was over, winners announced and presented, team announcements made, and the venue and course packed away, we all headed over to the cabins for the ice cream social and potluck. First things first... next cookout, someone bring charcoal! Please! Thank goodness Toni and Chris took over, got a fire going in the pit and cooked all the food. And there was a lot of food! Kudos to everyone that chipped in, there was definitely not a shortage of food and drink! A very heartfelt THANK YOU to Adam with Mudocalypse for providing all of the hydration and nutrition for the event and the ice cream for the social! You guys rock!  After everyone was full of burgers, ice cream, cake, chips, and Jeff and Jennifer's home brewed beers and ales, we packed up and headed over to the auditorium. Hello, epic dance party! Thank you Steve for setting everything up- it was fan-freaking-tastic! Huge projection screen on stage for a Dance Central dance off! David emceed and had a bracket ready and everything! The dance competition commenced and again, winners were announced! TROPHIES were awarded! Yes, real trophies!!!! I was beat, so I headed back to the cabins to drop Deb off and then head to bed myself. Matt and Michelle and I stayed up and talked a bit then it was time for bed after a really long day. I slept so well! Happy to have been able to share this day with my team. Sunday everyone packed up, cleaned up and said their good-byes... until next time Illuminati! I love you guys!!!! ...and I am so honored to be part of the best team in the world!

A few things I took away from this... There are still a lot of just good, kind people in this world. I love my team. I have great friends. It is possible to be around cake and cupcakes and brownies and cookies and ice cream and chocolate truffles and chocolate covered pretzels and M&Ms and cheesecake and pretzel crisps and beer and..... actually NOT eat or drink any of it. Being in prep for figure competition had me worried about actually going this past weekend. I weighed, measured, and brought all of my own food. And I did FUCKING FANTASTIC!!!!! Not one slip up... I didn't even lick the frosting off my fingers from organizing desserts! I just made my son eat everything- poor kid, I ate vicariously through him! I drank my water, drank my BCAAs, ate my food... and it was good. I left not feeling guilty about anything... just happy. And damn straight I went right to GameStop to pick up a copy of Dance Central... watch out guys... I'm dancing next time too!

What Brought Me Here...

Quite often I reflect on what brought me to where I am today. Right now. I look back to the young woman that had always tried to be strong and independent...and happy. I remember the times I enjoyed beer and pizza, truly enjoyed it... and the amount of times I said, "I'm not a runner. I don't run." This young woman worked hard and played hard....but was always looking for happiness and love.
All of this is still true. However I am older, and I'd like to think, wiser....
Rewind to 2011... I'll try to make a long story short... I did say try, so turn back now if you'd like...
I hated running. I tried eating "clean" and "working out" at home. I turned into "skinny fat" and would crack open a beer at noon on Sundays during the summer. I was happy.
2012, I was introduced to Obstacle Course Races. Typical of me I dove right into them. I joined crossfit. I ran my first road race. Then I ran more OCRs and road races. I ate paleo. I was happy.
2013, a boy came along and against my better judgement, and after MUCH reflection I can say this honestly... AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT... I started to like him. What was supposed to be an innocent fling... shut up... don't judge me. You've all been there at one point, and if you haven't there was a time you wish you had.... started to turn into something more. He told me he loved me. I cried and smiled. Lots more races, travel, races, travel. He proposed! We started planning a wedding. Ok, Ok... I started planning a wedding. I was happy.

2014, he broke up with me. I was devastated. It felt as if my entire being had been ripped in half. I knew better than to trust and love someone that much. I made friends and I lost "friends"... well, I didn't lose friends, as true friends can never be lost... so I lost... people? Sheep? Not sure, and it doesn't really matter. I was very sick, my cousin died, and I was heart broken. Time does heal all wounds... so does focus. I realized NO ONE had the right to have that much control over me. Especially a lying, thieving, criminal who quite literally stole from his own friends and "family". I found my focus. I poured myself into training. I worked hard, I played hard, I ran, I traveled. More races, more travel. I started and finished the summer death race, I made new friends. I love my new friends. I kept my real friends. I love my real friends. Thank you to those that are still here and for being real.  I dated another guy. It never really felt "right", but he was nice to me. I needed nice. Then I became a free golden ticket and I vowed I would never let that happen again. I walked away. I fell back on my family. I got up. I fell again, and again... each time rising higher and higher. I got injured, depressed, healed and found a new focus. I was happy.
2015, I feel truly alive. For the first time ever. Healthier than ever. Brighter than ever. More forthcoming than ever. I have released anyone and anything that caused me self doubt or shame, headache or heartache. I have a stable group of friends. I have an amazing family. I have a job. I have a home. I have it all. I have everything in the world because I have peace, focus, and love in my heart. I am still...happy.