What Brought Me Here...

Quite often I reflect on what brought me to where I am today. Right now. I look back to the young woman that had always tried to be strong and independent...and happy. I remember the times I enjoyed beer and pizza, truly enjoyed it... and the amount of times I said, "I'm not a runner. I don't run." This young woman worked hard and played hard....but was always looking for happiness and love.
All of this is still true. However I am older, and I'd like to think, wiser....
Rewind to 2011... I'll try to make a long story short... I did say try, so turn back now if you'd like...
I hated running. I tried eating "clean" and "working out" at home. I turned into "skinny fat" and would crack open a beer at noon on Sundays during the summer. I was happy.
2012, I was introduced to Obstacle Course Races. Typical of me I dove right into them. I joined crossfit. I ran my first road race. Then I ran more OCRs and road races. I ate paleo. I was happy.
2013, a boy came along and against my better judgement, and after MUCH reflection I can say this honestly... AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT... I started to like him. What was supposed to be an innocent fling... shut up... don't judge me. You've all been there at one point, and if you haven't there was a time you wish you had.... started to turn into something more. He told me he loved me. I cried and smiled. Lots more races, travel, races, travel. He proposed! We started planning a wedding. Ok, Ok... I started planning a wedding. I was happy.

2014, he broke up with me. I was devastated. It felt as if my entire being had been ripped in half. I knew better than to trust and love someone that much. I made friends and I lost "friends"... well, I didn't lose friends, as true friends can never be lost... so I lost... people? Sheep? Not sure, and it doesn't really matter. I was very sick, my cousin died, and I was heart broken. Time does heal all wounds... so does focus. I realized NO ONE had the right to have that much control over me. Especially a lying, thieving, criminal who quite literally stole from his own friends and "family". I found my focus. I poured myself into training. I worked hard, I played hard, I ran, I traveled. More races, more travel. I started and finished the summer death race, I made new friends. I love my new friends. I kept my real friends. I love my real friends. Thank you to those that are still here and for being real.  I dated another guy. It never really felt "right", but he was nice to me. I needed nice. Then I became a free golden ticket and I vowed I would never let that happen again. I walked away. I fell back on my family. I got up. I fell again, and again... each time rising higher and higher. I got injured, depressed, healed and found a new focus. I was happy.
2015, I feel truly alive. For the first time ever. Healthier than ever. Brighter than ever. More forthcoming than ever. I have released anyone and anything that caused me self doubt or shame, headache or heartache. I have a stable group of friends. I have an amazing family. I have a job. I have a home. I have it all. I have everything in the world because I have peace, focus, and love in my heart. I am still...happy.