Monday, August 4, 2014
You Can Only STFU For So Long
So a month after Summer Death Race I still find myself completely unmotivated. The worst part is that I don't care that I don't have any motivation. Weird, huh? In conversation with a really good friend, she mentioned it took her 3-4 months to fully recover from an ultra event she had previously taken part in. She also finished that event with an injury.
An injury totally lowers any motivation even more than just the PTSD! She has long since bounced back and is doing crazy awesome epic shit, so I know there is hope for me too! I figure, if I can eat right, at least I can stay lean. Right? However, when you aren't working out it makes it really hard to stay on track! I've started using My Fitness Pal again and I have an amazing support group to try and keep me focused, but then I find myself at home. On the couch. Watching TV. Annnnndddd.... before I know it, I'm eating bananas smothered in Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter, with a side of Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter and maybe some Chocolate Milk to wash it all down with. Then, the "not hungry but bored" Monster creeps in and I find myself looking for ANYTHING to shove in my face. I do great during the week, but weekends just kill me. I am trying to find other ways to stay active. Really, I am! I went for a walk... my knee kept buckling. Crap! I attempted push ups and sit ups, at least, at home, but I quickly lost interest. My ADD kicks in and I'm picking fuzz up off the ground which results in organizing the book shelf which leads to looking at old books. Problem...I like to lift. I like to lift heavy things. But...I need someone to push me through, motivate me, tell me what to pick up and put down, and how many times. Flip side... bum knee makes it really hard to walk anywhere, especially into the gym. It's that revolving cycle of, I need to workout! I need to go to the gym! Well, I'm injured, I need to recover, I can barely walk for too long. However, I need to STFU and go workout. Sure, but what if I do more damage? I think it's safe to say I STFU for a long time, which may be why I am in the position I am in. I know it's good I am FINALLY listening to my body and attempting to rest and recover, but man does it suck. It's unfortunate though that I may end up like White Goodman if I don't start doing something soon! Mmmmm....Fried Chicken! I have an MRI tomorrow and then follow up with the doc later this week. Once that all happens, then at least I will have a better idea of how bad my knee is and what will happen next. Yes, it is bad... I knew that during Summer Death Race. I tried to ignore it and kept pushing on and on, however after the ultra I did in July, I knew it was time to get it checked.
X-Rays showed Patellofemoral Arthritis, which is basically arthritis under the kneecap. It causes pain in front of your knee and can make it difficult to kneel and climb stairs. Doc also saw a torn ACL and believes there may be some chunks of cartilage floating around in kneecap space. We have started cortisone shots and scheduled physical therapy for the arthritis in the hopes that will help that issue. Continued Physical Therapy and Cortisone for now and if the cortisone does not work, we will attempt gel injections. At this point I have no idea how the rest of my year will pan out. What I do know is that I need to get this fixed so I can continue on happily in this crazy lifestyle and keep going after bigger and better things! If I do need surgery, I can only hope I will come back on stable legs and can quickly recover and build up any atrophied muscles! Please send as many happy thoughts my way as you can during this period of the unknown! I'll be back in no time...hopefully!
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I must mention that my friend that I was talking to was not the source of lack of motivation, the injury is! She, in fact, helped me tremendously!!!! Just knowing that what I am experiencing is "normal" was a huge relief! Also seeing how she recovered and is doing some crazy epic shit now is just amazing! Thanks lady!!!!! <3
ReplyDeleteI belieeeeve in yooooou! 100% understand the injury PTSD lingering; had a grade 3 separation on my shoulder from a Jiu Jitsu tourney. After wallowing in self-pity for a month something snapped and I just started walking again. Nothing crazy, just walking...which led to jogging small distances (the bouncing caused issues with the shoulder). To help motivate myself I embraced the suck and signed up for races 2+ months away, so I had a *reason* to rehab. Eventually I managed to claw my way back into shape and be reasonably competitive again. I did find trying to manage good sleep habits was just as important as dietary choices, AND if I didn't buy it, I couldn't eat it! Go get it girl, cause it's yours to have :)
ReplyDeletei kinda figured there was a tear in the ACL since I went through that already - knee buckling, not fun. Candie - it's okay to take some time to rest. You will be coming back strong. Resting is part of the process. I love you. One thing I know about you is that you are a fighter! This lack of motivation is a forced resting period for you from the big man above. Take it, use it, rest honey. Rest.
ReplyDeleteLove you Sister! Shar
Going thru the same thing. I have had trouble in both knees since before the Indiana Sprint. Had torn meniscus in both as well as arthritis. Sometimes you have to take a break and heal. Swim, bike, other low impact stuff. All great athletes (you are one by the way) get injuries and have to rehab at times. I have been struggling with the same demons you are talking about. Will it get better, how hard do i push it. My goal is to be better by the Indiana sprint this year. You need to get there too cause i need you there pushing my ass over the line. :) Get Better
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