1 hundred million and a half jelly beans

Objects are closer than they appear.  Please forgive the random jump about!  :)  I have to admit, I started this whole blog thing with guns ablazin', committed to myself to write at least every other day.... and, well...I failed a bit.  However, here I am, with the newest installment of Once Upon a Happily to  discuss jelly beans!  Yes, Jelly Belly jelly beans actually.  These are my ultimate kryptonite.  I can count out a serving size, which is 37 beans, by sight.  Yes, I have this locked into memory from years of doing Weight Watchers.  This past weekend, I happened across a bag of beans and grabbed a handful.  Then I went back for another handful.  I think I hit that bag of beans 2 more times and then felt sick.  Angry.  Mad at myself.  Embarrassed and Guilty.  So I went to bed.  I did have a nightmare (don't laugh... ok, you can laugh) that all these millions of zombie Jelly Belly jelly beans had little arms and legs and were attacking me... starting at my toes.  I woke up in a cold sweat and remembered back to the many, many times in my life where I have fallen before.  We have all had low, dark times that we don't want to remember.  That we truly care to forget.  I have been called an inspiration a few times by some amazing people and I wonder how I could be an inspiration.  Me?  The Jelly Belly Girl???  I just try to live and love each day.  I have had so many ups and downs in life and have finally decided to live my life for me.  I am doing things I want and living how I want.  In my past, I have given into food, I have given into alcohol, I have given into cigarettes, I have given into caffeine, I have given into too much sleep or too little sleep, but mostly, I have given into everyone else.  There are things I have done that I am embarrassed to even remember.  I am not proud of choices I have made, but I have also realized that none of those things ever made me nearly as happy or as complete as I finally feel now.  Focusing on my health, my fitness, my glass half full way of life has completely turned me around.  In doing so, if I have been able to motivate others, that is an added bonus!!!  Forgive me, but I am completely selfish in my life now.  I am doing for me, finally, for once.  It has taken many trials and tribulations to truly realize that if I am not happy, I can't make anyone else happy.  This past year has been a very successful journey for me, and I am very proud of myself.  Yes, I still fall, but I wipe myself up and get right back on track again.  For those that I love and may have motivated even a little, please know, as easy as I make this look, it is a decision I make every day.  I wake up and choose to be happy.  I choose to be healthy.  I choose to try and help others.  I choose to smile.  I still make bad decisions, trust me, I do.  I have eaten a whole pizza by myself.  I have eaten a whole Five Guys double cheeseburger with everything AND an entire sack of fries.  I like beer.  I like cheetos.  And, then of course, there are the Jelly Bellys.  I am human.  I make mistakes.  I make wrong decisions.  I don't know everything.  However, I try to see the beauty and the good in everyone, including myself, everyday... even after a zombie Jelly Belly attack!  I tell everyone, I will help you, but you really have to WANT this.  Otherwise, you are wasting my time, and your time.  Once you really want it, it will work for you!  I have tried and failed as many times as there are Jelly Bellys that I have eaten!  Bottom line... you can do anything you want as long as you want it bad enough and you care about yourself enough to dedicate your life to you!  xoxo